“Local” is within 100 miles.

Of course, my first foray back into the world of dating had to be with a man in his early 50’s. I thought to myself, “I’m dealing with an older man, this should be easy, no stress, low maintenance.” Ha, yeah, I was mistaken. My second mistake was choosing a man who was in the middle of a nasty divorce. They had been separated for over a year, he was a safe bet, right? The epic amount of drama I experienced while in a relationship with this man rivaled a teen romance out of a movie like Heathers. It was nonstop drama. If we weren’t arguing over how a word in a text message was used, (I have learned to HATE texting.) then we were arguing over something else insignificant. I firmly believe that you should never lay a hand in anger on another person that you care about, for ANY reason, but let me tell you… this man? He made me question my morals. I have never met a higher maintenance person in my entire life. After nine months of insanity, I broke up with him. It became apparent he had been sleeping with another woman for a while. Yay for me!

Even though the guy was a total jerk I was completely crushed. Not wanting to get out of bed for weeks, crushed.  It took me a year to recover, but like many I got back out into the dating scene. With poking and prodding from my best friend, I joined Match.com and EHarmony. Living in the country and using dating websites is NOT anything like using it in the city. There are much fewer men to choose from and you can’t just “go to lunch.” Lunch is a minimum 30 minute drive from me. For my date? It could be upwards of an hour depending on where they are from. “Local” singles here could live over 50 miles away. The dinner spots are sparse and finding time between taking care of the household, work, kids, and school, is nearly impossible. I mean c’mon! How is a woman supposed to date if she’s constantly worried about her wood stove going out? Okay, so what about the summer? Summer the kids are home and you have zero privacy. I mean, you’re supposed to keep your kids away from your date for like 6 months! Seriously? I did that and it still sucked for my son watching a man walk out of my life. There is NO easy way to date when you have kids. There isn’t a rule book, and you must learn as you go along. Yes, you are going to make mistakes, but hopefully those mistakes are minor and mendable. One of the other major issues with using online dating in the country is that you are going to inevitably find people you know.

Within the first week of using… one of the dating websites, someone I personally know was messaging me. Yeah it wasn’t just some guy from town, it was someone far more embarrassing. Is it habit for some men not to even notice women unless they are sexually interested in them? I’m just curious, because this man claimed not to have recognized me from my photo. Now, wait! Before you start thinking I had some majorly photoshopped picture, I didn’t. I believe filters and altering photos is false advertising. The photo on the dating website was clearly me. However, my lawyer, yes, my lawyer, didn’t know it was me. I think he may have been more mortified than I was. Later, an ex from like 15 years ago found me too, and several others who I personally knew. On one hand, it’s nice knowing you’re not alone, on the other it’s sad that I know many of the single men in my area already. This is the best the area has to offer? I am really going to die single. I went out on two dates that were ridiculous, then decided it wasn’t for me. In one of our ranting conversations I told my best friend, “The man has to literally come knock on my door because I’m done with this dating crap!” Well…be careful what you say because it might just happen.

Author: Frances McCurdy

I'm a single mom living in the woods writing out all my musings over dating, love, and what it's like navigating this craziness while also being past "my prime" and well into my 30's. I'm also a born and raised Appalachian woman who prefers the mountains over the city and all the hard work that comes along with living in the country.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s